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Wednesday, July 11, 2007  

TADPOLE TRAINWRECK

I WENT, VERY MASOCHISTICALLY, BACK TO THE "AGE OF LOVE' SHOW ON MONDAY NIGHT. I CAN'T STOP MYSELF NOW, EVEN THOUGH THE NAUSEA FACTOR IS PART OF THE EXPERIENCE OF WATCHING. THEY ASKED EACH OF THE EIGHT WOMEN REMAINING IN THE COMPETITION (4-TWENTY-YEAR-OLDS AND 4-FORTY-YEAR-OLDS) TO BICYCLE A MILE AND A HALF, RUN AN EQUAL DISTANCE, AND THEN PADDLE A SURF BOARD TO A YACHT WAITING OFF SHORE WITH THE PRIZED TADPOLE ON BOARD. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE FIRST WOMAN TO ACCOMPLISH THIS FEAT WAS A FORTY-SOMETHING. A FITTING TRIBUTE TO HER SHEER DESPERATION AND DETERMINATION TO WIN THE HEART OF THE PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYER. I KEPT THINKING AS I WATCHED THESE WOMEN SUBJECT THEMSELVES TO HEAT PROSTRATION, SPRAINED ANKLES AND GENERAL HUMILATION, THAT ALL THEY'RE GOING TO GET AT THE END OF THIS IS A DATE WITH THIS GUY. LATER ON, NERVES FRAYED AS THE YOUNGER AND SO-CALLED "OLDER" WOMEN ATTEMPTED TO CO-HABITATE FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE SERIES. I WAS AMUSED TO SEE THEM IMMEDIATELY DISSOLVE INTO WHAT I WOULD CALL "MOTHER-DAUGHTER" BEHAVIORS, DRAWING IMAGINARY BOUNDARIES IN THE IMAGINARY SAND. THE TWENTY-SOMETHING NAMED MARY WITH THE CURLY HAIR IS CONSTANTLY IN TEARS, SUGGESTING A FUTURE MENOPAUSE THAT MIGHT REQUIRE MASSIVE DOSES OF MEDICATION. MEANWHILE, TWO MORE LADIES WERE ELIMINATED, ONE FROM EACH CATEGORY. TO ME, IT'S SLIM PICKINS' ON BOTH ENDS. WHERE'S MY BUCKET??






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