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Saturday, March 01, 2008  

PUMP IT UP!!

THE HORROR IT PROVOKED IN ME THE FIRST TIME I SAW A WOMAN WHO HAD PUMPED UP HER LIPS, HAS SLOWLY BECOME A PASSIVE, ALTHOUGH RELUCTANT, ACCEPTANCE. FOR THE LIFE OF ME, HOWEVER, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY A WOMAN WOULD CHOOSE TO LOOK LIKE A DUCK. BUT THE NOTION OF PUMPING ONESELF UP IS CERTAINLY NOT NEW. WOMEN HAVE BEEN PUMPING UP THEIR BREASTS, MEN HAVE BEEN PUMPING UP THEIR MUSCLES, THEIR GOLF SCORES, THEIR BATTING AVERAGE AND THEIR PENISES, BOTH SURGICALLY AND NON-SURGICALLY. I CONFESS THAT I ASSUMED THAT MEN, ONCE AGAIN, HAD FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAXIMIZE THE ULTIMATE PHYSICAL EXPERIENCE AND THAT WOMEN, ONCE AGAIN, WERE LEFT IN THE SEXUAL DUST. BUT NO! JUST AS MY MANTRA ABOUT THE SEXY OLDER WOMAN HAS COME TO LIFE IN THE BABY BOOMER GENERATION, A REMARKABLE DISCOVERY HAS LEVELED THE PLAYING FIELD. WE HAVE FIGURED OUT HOW TO PUMP UP THE G-SPOT!!! YES, LADIES, GET OVER TO YOUR DOCTOR TODAY. I URGE YOU, HOWEVER, TO RESTRAIN ANY COMPULSION TO OVER-PUMP (PARDON THE EXPRESSION!) THAT DUCK THING COULD SPELL DISASTER ELSEWHERE, IF YOU GET MY DRIFT. IT COULD LEAVE A PERMANENT SMILE ON YOUR FACE......






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