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Monday, May 19, 2008  

THE MAGIC WAND

AT GOLD'S GYM THE OTHER DAY, I WAS OBSERVING TWO WOMEN WORKING OUT TOGETHER. WHILE I CHOOSE TO ATTEND TO MY MORNING WORKOUTS WITH A BARE FACE, I NOTICED THAT THEY WERE BOTH WEARING MASCARA, AND FOUND IT INTERESTING, AS I LOOKED AROUND THE ROOM, THAT MOST OF THE OTHER WOMEN WERE ALSO WEARING MASCARA. IT'S A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP, A WOMAN AND HER MASCARA. ALTHOUGH THERE ARE MANY BRANDS IN THE MARKETPLACE, EVERY WOMAN HAS HER PREFERENCES AND THE EARNEST BELIEF THAT HER CHOSEN WAND IS THE ONE THAT TRANSFORMS HER FROM THE PLAIN JANE WITH THE BLANK STARE SHE SEES IN THE MIRROR EVERY MORNING TO THE SEXY FLIRT WHO CAN BAT THOSE LASHES WITH THE BEST OF THEM. I CONFESS TO BEING ONE OF THOSE WOMEN. MY MASCARA OF CHOICE, AFTER YEARS OF RESEARCH AND HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF MISTAKES, IS THE STALWART DRUGSTORE CHAMPION MASCARA FOR EVERY GENERATION, THE VENERABLE MAYBELLINE. YES, AT $4.50, IT'S STILL THE BEST BARGAIN IN THE MARKETPLACE. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE RARE OCCASIONS WHEN PAYING MORE DOESN'T NECESSARILY BUY A BETTER PRODUCT. THIS IS NOT A SECRET. SEVERAL YEARS AGO, I WAS KILLING TIME AT THE BAR IN THE LOBBY OF THE HILTON HOTEL IN BEVERLY HILLS. THEY WERE HOLDING AN A-LIST HOLLYWOOD FUNDRAISER/DINNER-DANCE AND I HAD A FRONT ROW SEAT WATCHING THE PARADE OF CELEBRITIES ARRIVE IN FULL REGALIA. BEFORE LONG, A WOMAN SAT DOWN NEXT TO ME, OBVIOUSLY DRESSED TO ATTEND THE GALA. SHE ALSO HAD SOME TIME TO KILL. IT WAS A BIT DIFFICULT NOT TO NOTICE THAT SHE WAS LITERALLY DRIPPING IN DIAMONDS: A STUNNING NECKLACE, BRACELETS, SOME DROP-DEAD EARRINGS AND SEVERAL IMPRESSIVE (AND LARGE) RINGS. A LESS DISCREET GAWKER COULD HAVE GONE BLIND IN THE GLARE. SHE TURNED TO ME, AFTER DOWNING A COUPLE OF DRY MARTINIS, AND ASKED IF I THOUGHT SHE SHOULD JOIN THE OTHERS, ALL OF WHOM HAD ALREADY ENTERED THE BALLROOM. I AGREED THAT SHE PROBABLY SHOULD MAKE HER ENTRANCE. BUT FIRST, SHE INSISTED, A MOMENT FOR GROOMING. WITH THAT, SHE REACHED INTO HER JUDITH LEIBER HANDBAG (AN EASY THREE GRAND) AND, AS MY JAW DROPPED, SHE PULLED OUT THAT UBIQUITOUS $4.50 GREEN AND PINK WAND OF MAYBELLINE MASCARA, FOR A QUICK TOUCH-UP. THAT WOMAN WAS BARBARA SINATRA. A BARGAIN IS A BARGAIN IS A BARGAIN. BY THE WAY, I'D SETTLE FOR BEING THE PLAIN JANE SHE STARTS OUT WITH EVERY MORNING.






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