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Wednesday, August 12, 2009  

CELEBRITY BREASTS

EVERY YEAR WHEN CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS ARE NOTED IN THE NEWSPAPER, I AM TAKEN ABACK BY HOW MUCH YOUNGER MY EX-HUSBAND IS GETTING. HE USED TO BE OLDER THAN ME. NOW HIS PUBLISHED AGE IS THE SAME AS MINE. THIS LEADS ME TO THINK THAT THE ONLY POSSIBLE EXPECTATION IS THAT HE WILL SURELY BECOME YOUNGER THAN ME BY NEXT YEAR.

A FRIEND OF MINE RECENTLY ASKED ME WHY MY EX-HUSBAND DIDN'T SPEND MORE TIME DISCUSSING ME IN HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY, OR EVEN SPELL MY NAME CORRECTLY? A QUESTION WORTH CONSIDERING, ESPECIALLY SINCE WE WERE MARRIED FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. MAYBE I SHOULD BE IMPRESSED THAT I WAS MENTIONED AT ALL, SINCE HIS CHILDREN WERE NOT. NOW, YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF, WHAT KIND OF MAN GOES TO THE TROUBLE OF WRITING HIS STORY AND NEVER MENTIONS THAT HE HAS TWO CHILDREN?

THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS....THE SAME MAN WHO SPENT NUMEROUS PAGES DISCUSSING THE WONDER AND GLORY OF SUSAN SARANDON'S BREASTS. JUDGING FROM THE PROMINENCE GIVEN THIS LATTER CONVERSATION, COMPARED TO THE SPACE ALLOTTED TO MYSELF AND CHILDREN COMBINED, THERE IS NO QUESTION THAT CELEBRITY BREASTS TRUMPS REAL LIFE, KIDS AND FAMILY.
SUSAN SARANDON'S BREASTS HAVE NO DOUBT PROVIDED FASCINATION FOR MANY BESIDES MY EX. THEY ARE, AFTER ALL, PARADED OUT ON EVERY RED CARPET YEAR AFTER YEAR, NO MATTER HOW OLD OR TIRED THEY HAVE BECOME. DID HE FAIL TO MENTION THAT HE WAS MARRIED WHILE DISCOVERING THE EXTREME BENEFITS OF HER TA-TAS? OOPS !! SUSAN SARANDON AND I USED TO BE THE SAME AGE. SHE'S NOW FIVE YEARS YOUNGER THAN ME. WHAT IS THAT CELEBRITY ELIXIR THAT MAKES ONE AGE BACKWARDS, LIKE A BENJAMIN BUTTON MIRACLE? HOW DO THE REST OF US GET SOME OF THAT STUFF? MAYBE IT'S JUST A MATTR OF A FAT WALLET AND A PRESS AGENT.






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