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Thursday, October 15, 2009  

DANCING WITH THE HAS-BEENS

I CANNOT RESTRAIN MYSELF WHEN IT COMES TO EXPRESSING MY OPINION ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING ON MY FAVORITE SHOW, DANCING WITH THE STARS.

TOM DELAY DROPPED OUT JUST AT THE MOMENT THAT I WAS ABOUT TO LAUNCH MY OWN PERSONAL CAMPAIGN TO REMOVE HIM NOT JUST FROM THE CAST OF THE SHOW, BUT FROM ALL FUTURE TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT, POLITICAL AND OTHERWISE. I AM AMAZED, AT TIMES, THAT WHEN A SCOUNDREL LIKE TOM DELAY IS DEFAMED AND DISGRACED BY HIS OWN GREED AND MISDEEDS, HE DOESN'T GET THE POINT THAT THE PEOPLE, AND THE COUNTRY IN GENERAL, ARE DONE WITH HIM! DONE WITH HIM IN EVERY VERSION OF HIMSELF. WEARING A SILLY COSTUME AND TRYING TO BE CUTE AND ENDEARING BY SHAKING HIS CORRUPT ASS DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO SUGGEST TO ANY OF US THAT THERE'S A VERSION OF HIM THAT WE COULD FIND ACCEPTABLE. IN THE WORDS OF ANY FIVE-YEAR-OLD: GO AWAY!!

HERE I AM COMPLAINING AGAIN, BUT MELISSA JOAN HART, ALTHOUGH NICE ENOUGH, GOT TOP SCORES FROM THE JUDGES FOR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN EMBARRASSING DISPLAY OF INCOMPETENCE ON THE DANCE FLOOR. HER MOST OBVIOUS DANCE FAUX PAS WAS THE WIDE EXPANSE BETWEEN HER LEGS (OOPS!), AN EXPANSE WIDE ENOUGH, IT SEEMED TO ME, THAT A MINI COOPER COULD PASS THROUGH. NOT TO MENTION THAT SHE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH CONTROL OVER HER ARMS, HER TORSO LIMP AND WEAK, OFFERING HER PARTNER LITTLE OR NO FRAME. HER PRO CHOREOGRAPHED A CUTE CHARLESTON, BUT IN HER FLAT SHOES, ANOTHER MISTAKE, MELISSA OFFERED LITTLE OR NO APPEAL.

THE CAST, IN GENERAL, LEFT ME WANTING THE USUAL "HAS-BEEN" ELEMENT EVEN MORE THAN BEFORE. I GUESS I CAN CONFESS THAT I AM SECRETLY ROOTING FOR DONNY OSMOND, ALTHOUGH I BELIEVE THAT MAYA IS THE BEST DANCER, HER TREE STUMP LEGS NOTWITHSTANDING. I DO SO REGRET THAT MY FAVORITE SHOW IS LOSING ITS APPEAL, HAVING PARKED SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDDLE GROUND OF KITSCH, FAILING TO BE TACKY ENOUGH EVEN FOR ME.






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